Have the right mindset to approach women

Before getting into the specific beliefs that make up a winning mindset to approach women, I want to talk to you about the concepts of perception, assumptions and beliefs. Once you understand this, you will have the power to break down any limiting beliefs that you may have. Since I want to show you how to apply these powerful concepts to all areas of your life, I will occasionally deviate slightly from the topic of “picking-up girls”.


How Beliefs Are Created

As human beings, we constantly analyse and interpret our perceptions, draw conclusions from them and create beliefs that help us navigate through similar experiences in the future. These beliefs guide our actions and can have a huge impact in our lives. For example, a useful and long lasting belief we all share is that hot things can burn us. You likely started believing this after getting burned a couple of times as a kid, and it has been guiding how you behave around hot objects ever since.


Beliefs are the deductions that we’ve made about ourselves and the world around us. These deductions turn into beliefs or convictions as we find more information to back them up. However, I want you to realize that we have a limited perception of reality. We often lack all the information required to know the truth about a situation, which can lead to erroneous conclusions or beliefs.


Beliefs are created during conscious reasoning. When we think, we use a very powerful tool that we have: the voice inside our heads. It is important for us to realize that this voice is a tool that helps us navigate and make sense of the world, and we can use it to our advantage to create positive beliefs.


Two Powerful Notions

The first notion I’m going to give you is powerful because it allows us to control the types of beliefs that we create or reinforce.


We are limited in our perception of reality. Therefore, we have to make assumptions in order to be able to draw conclusions from our limited perceptions.


By consciously controlling the assumptions that we make in our daily lives, we can be in control of the beliefs that they generate.


The second powerful notion that I have for you is the following:

Whatever we believe to be true becomes the absolute truth in our minds until proven otherwise. Our beliefs then have the same impact on us as the absolute truth would.


In other words, we are incapable of perceiving the truth so we create our own based on the assumptions that we make. Whether or not our version is true, it will have the same impact as the truth.


Knowing this gives us two superpowers: we can now control how experiences affect us and we can create beliefs that guide us to take action towards our goals.


Control how the world around you affects you

Let’s start with a quick example:


I approach a girl and she tells me that she has a boyfriend. Here are two possible ways for me to interpret this:


Scenario 1: I think the following: “She is lying about having a boyfriend; she probably isn’t interested in me but didn’t want to make me feel bad. I must not be good-looking enough for her.”


Scenario 2: I think the following “She must be happy with her boyfriend. We definitely would have hit it off if she were single though.”


As you can see, I had to make assumptions from this experience in order to make sense of it. Short of stalking her to see if she does indeed have a boyfriend, it is impossible for me to know the truth. I also cannot read her mind to see if she is attracted to me. Instead, I make up my own version of the truth, which ends up becoming the truth in my life.


In the first scenario, I assumed that she was lying about having a boyfriend and that she did not like me because I wasn’t good looking enough. This may create or reinforce the belief that “I am not good looking enough for girls like her” and might even leave me feeling discouraged, preventing me from approaching another girl that day.


In the second scenario, I assumed that she was telling the truth and that she was attracted to me, which may create or reinforce the belief that I am attractive. It might leave me with a pleasant feeling and encourage me to approach another girl.


What you need to realize is that the truth about her boyfriend or her thoughts about me is irrelevant, what is important is the version of the truth that I create to make sense of what happened. This “truth” will have a real impact on my beliefs and my life.


In a nutshell, be aware of the assumptions that you make. How certain are you that these assumptions are accurate? Are these assumptions creating or reinforcing positive beliefs? Are they helping you achieve your goals? Be sure to consciously change the monologue in your head to a positive one.


Feel free to also review any negative beliefs that you may have about yourself. What are they based on? Maybe you believe that you are not “book smart” because you had bad grades in high school. Can you find things that point to you being book smart? Do you read a lot on the internet about topics that actually interest you? Maybe you did not study as much as other kids because you were interested in other things. You have the power to review and change your limiting beliefs.


Now, you might be thinking: “I understand the concept but I don’t feel like constantly lying to myself or being delusional”

Of course I am not telling you to ignore clear facts or lie to yourself. What I am saying is that you have the power to control how events affect you. If someone cuts you off in traffic, you can think “what an asshole, probably cuts people off daily” and be mad, or you can say “maybe this guy is in a hurry to get to the hospital” or “he must be late to an important work presentation today” and not be affected by his actions. Use the voice inside your head wisely!

Create beliefs that empower you

Let’s say that the girl in my example was in fact super cold with me when I approached her! I couldn’t lie to myself and think “that went well, she was definitely into me!” I could however think the following: “Clearly, she wasn’t attracted to me, but who cares? It probably has nothing to do with me and it is normal that some people are just not attracted to others.”

Do you like every woman that you see? Do you and your friends have different preferences with respect to women? I believe that it is completely normal for some people not to be attracted to me in the same way that I’m not attracted to some people.

I also believe that every approach is a positive experience: I am stoked that I am taking action in life, I am gaining experience and thus getting better and I am not letting opportunities slip by!

The right mindset to approach women

Let’s get to the specifics with respect to approaching women.

What are some of the excuses that we give ourselves to avoid approaching a girl?

  • I don’t want to bother her
  • I don’t want to seem creepy
  • There are too many people around
  • I don’t know what to say
  • I need to be really smooth or perfect when approaching girls
  • I don’t want to be rejected

These excuses have underlying beliefs that validate them. Girls don’t like to be approached, approaching girls is frowned upon, you can get any girl if you are good enough, etc... I want to suggest to you another way to view the world.

  • Most women enjoy being approached. Having a fun and interesting interaction leaves them with a good feeling. Even if they are attracted to a man, they won’t approach themselves. I am doing my job as a man by approaching and giving women an opportunity to meet me!
  • Women like sex as much as men do. Some may be more selective than men and some might need to take it slower than us but there is nothing wrong with moving things fast into a sexual direction.
  • Women like sex as much as men do. Some may be more selective than men and some might need to take it slower than us but there is nothing wrong with moving things into a sexual direction.
  • Women are great at social interactions. They are witty, smart and fun. When I get into an interaction, they are usually engaged and keep things interesting. When I run out of things to say they usually jump in to keep the conversation going.
  • Rejection is a part of the game and will happen often. A girl might be in a relationship, not in the mood to socialize, having a horrible day, mad at men because of a breakup, etc... Most of the time, getting rejected has little to do with me or factors that I control so it shouldn’t affect me.
  • I don’t have to be perfect, some bad interactions turn into something and some great ones don’t lead anywhere. Some girls will like me off the bat even if I am sloppy and others won’t like me even if I am having the perfect interaction.
  • It is normal to have variance when approaching girls. Luck is part of life and it can happen that I get a lot of results one week and then get nothing the next one.
  • I am going into interaction trying to connect with the girl. I am not going into interactions trying to get an outcome such as a phone number, a date or sleeping with her. These outcomes are a result of having fun and a great connection. It is not me against women, but me and them connecting.

These are some of the things I’ve observed or deduced from my experience approaching women. It shouldn’t’ be too hard to accept these as true, hopefully you’ve had similar experiences to back these beliefs up. What you can do is write down the excuses that you come up with and then think about them. What beliefs are they based on? Do they even make sense? Write down why they don’t make sense and what new beliefs will help you take action in these situations. You will soon find out that there are no excuses to approach.

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