Before getting into the specific beliefs that make up a winning mindset to approach women, I want to talk to you about the concepts of perception, assumptions and beliefs. Once you understand this, you will have the power to break down any limiting beliefs that you may have. Since I want to show you how to apply these powerful concepts to all areas of your life, I will occasionally deviate slightly from the topic of “picking-up girls”.
As human beings, we constantly analyse and interpret our perceptions, draw conclusions from them and create beliefs that help us navigate through similar experiences in the future. These beliefs guide our actions and can have a huge impact in our lives. For example, a useful and long lasting belief we all share is that hot things can burn us. You likely started believing this after getting burned a couple of times as a kid, and it has been guiding how you behave around hot objects ever since.
Beliefs are the deductions that we’ve made about ourselves and the world around us. These deductions turn into beliefs or convictions as we find more information to back them up. However, I want you to realize that we have a limited perception of reality. We often lack all the information required to know the truth about a situation, which can lead to erroneous conclusions or beliefs.
Beliefs are created during conscious reasoning. When we think, we use a very powerful tool that we have: the voice inside our heads. It is important for us to realize that this voice is a tool that helps us navigate and make sense of the world, and we can use it to our advantage to create positive beliefs.
The first notion I’m going to give you is powerful because it allows us to control the types of beliefs that we create or reinforce.
We are limited in our perception of reality. Therefore, we have to make assumptions in order to be able to draw conclusions from our limited perceptions.
By consciously controlling the assumptions that we make in our daily lives, we can be in control of the beliefs that they generate.
The second powerful notion that I have for you is the following:
Whatever we believe to be true becomes the absolute truth in our minds until proven otherwise. Our beliefs then have the same impact on us as the absolute truth would.
In other words, we are incapable of perceiving the truth so we create our own based on the assumptions that we make. Whether or not our version is true, it will have the same impact as the truth.
Knowing this gives us two superpowers: we can now control how experiences affect us and we can create beliefs that guide us to take action towards our goals.
Let’s start with a quick example:
I approach a girl and she tells me that she has a boyfriend. Here are two possible ways for me to interpret this:
Scenario 1: I think the following: “She is lying about having a boyfriend; she probably isn’t interested in me but didn’t want to make me feel bad. I must not be good-looking enough for her.”
Scenario 2: I think the following “She must be happy with her boyfriend. We definitely would have hit it off if she were single though.”
As you can see, I had to make assumptions from this experience in order to make sense of it. Short of stalking her to see if she does indeed have a boyfriend, it is impossible for me to know the truth. I also cannot read her mind to see if she is attracted to me. Instead, I make up my own version of the truth, which ends up becoming the truth in my life.
In the first scenario, I assumed that she was lying about having a boyfriend and that she did not like me because I wasn’t good looking enough. This may create or reinforce the belief that “I am not good looking enough for girls like her” and might even leave me feeling discouraged, preventing me from approaching another girl that day.
In the second scenario, I assumed that she was telling the truth and that she was attracted to me, which may create or reinforce the belief that I am attractive. It might leave me with a pleasant feeling and encourage me to approach another girl.
What you need to realize is that the truth about her boyfriend or her thoughts about me is irrelevant, what is important is the version of the truth that I create to make sense of what happened. This “truth” will have a real impact on my beliefs and my life.
In a nutshell, be aware of the assumptions that you make. How certain are you that these assumptions are accurate? Are these assumptions creating or reinforcing positive beliefs? Are they helping you achieve your goals? Be sure to consciously change the monologue in your head to a positive one.
Feel free to also review any negative beliefs that you may have about yourself. What are they based on? Maybe you believe that you are not “book smart” because you had bad grades in high school. Can you find things that point to you being book smart? Do you read a lot on the internet about topics that actually interest you? Maybe you did not study as much as other kids because you were interested in other things. You have the power to review and change your limiting beliefs.
Now, you might be thinking: “I understand the concept but I don’t feel like constantly lying to myself or being delusional”
Of course I am not telling you to ignore clear facts or lie to yourself. What I am saying is that you have the power to control how events affect you. If someone cuts you off in traffic, you can think “what an asshole, probably cuts people off daily” and be mad, or you can say “maybe this guy is in a hurry to get to the hospital” or “he must be late to an important work presentation today” and not be affected by his actions. Use the voice inside your head wisely!
Let’s say that the girl in my example was in fact super cold with me when I approached her! I couldn’t lie to myself and think “that went well, she was definitely into me!” I could however think the following: “Clearly, she wasn’t attracted to me, but who cares? It probably has nothing to do with me and it is normal that some people are just not attracted to others.”
Do you like every woman that you see? Do you and your friends have different preferences with respect to women? I believe that it is completely normal for some people not to be attracted to me in the same way that I’m not attracted to some people.
I also believe that every approach is a positive experience: I am stoked that I am taking action in life, I am gaining experience and thus getting better and I am not letting opportunities slip by!
Let’s get to the specifics with respect to approaching women.
What are some of the excuses that we give ourselves to avoid approaching a girl?
These excuses have underlying beliefs that validate them. Girls don’t like to be approached, approaching girls is frowned upon, you can get any girl if you are good enough, etc... I want to suggest to you another way to view the world.
These are some of the things I’ve observed or deduced from my experience approaching women. It shouldn’t’ be too hard to accept these as true, hopefully you’ve had similar experiences to back these beliefs up. What you can do is write down the excuses that you come up with and then think about them. What beliefs are they based on? Do they even make sense? Write down why they don’t make sense and what new beliefs will help you take action in these situations. You will soon find out that there are no excuses to approach.